i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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