guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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