mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
