I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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