so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
