Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
