my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
