I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
