He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
