Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
