Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
