New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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