Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
