i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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