if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
