he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
