sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
