bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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