on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
