i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
