Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
