I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
