I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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