Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
