a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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