We got so high we made milksteak
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
