Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
