I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!