Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's official drugs can't kill me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?