i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.