my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.