do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
