someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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