the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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