Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
