You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
