mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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