Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
