dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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