I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
