my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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