I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He felt like a one man threesome
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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