I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
