you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
