When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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