I just saw a hot homeless man
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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