i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
