So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
