i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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