theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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