OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
