Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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