Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
