I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
