This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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