I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
