this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
