i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
