Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
