i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
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Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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