just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
