Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
