If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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