guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
