Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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