You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
