So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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