Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
