i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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