he was CRYING into my vagina
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
