You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Success! We fucked roommates!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
