you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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